Dr. Judith’s God Line

Posts Tagged ‘Disappointment’

Many years ago, when I was young in my spiritual path, I had the idea that if I just loved God enough and followed the directions I was given to improve my daily conscious contact with Him, I would no longer have to go through depression, anxiety, anger or even hard times.  I was horrified when I heard people who had been on a spiritual path for ten or fifteen years talk about struggles with disappointment, hurt, or regret.  I guess I thought that I could rise above human pain, and I would have a smooth ride.  This is what I call the over-the-hill fantasy.  If I can just get over the top of this hill, it will be smooth sailing from here on.  WRONG!

Here I am, thirty plus years later, and I still have bouts with the so-called negative emotions.  The difference is they don’t frighten me anymore.  I get really ragged around the edges, but I know that my core is solid.  I recognize that, whether I take active steps in the middle of the pain or I get caught up in it, thus postponing action, I will not only get past the darkness of the moment, but I will also grow in the process.  Sooner or later, I will have the flood of relief and joy when I can once again have an attitude of gratitude.

I have a friend who says that it is impossible to feel angry and grateful at the same time.  So whenever he begins to  feel frustration and irritability building toward anger, he tries to find something to be grateful for.  This attitude of gratitude changes the negative emotion and frees him to consider more rationally the cause.  This is the optimal choice since it minimizes the time spent in emotional turmoil.  One way or another, if he or you or I are going to benefit from the period of pain and trial, we must take the time to understand its significance and why we reacted as we did.

The last time I wrote, I was deep into the throes of depression, anxiety and irritability.  I felt completely out of control.  Nevertheless, I took time to do some writing, praying, and talking to others so that I could understand what was going on with me.  The official publication date of my new book was rapidly approaching.  However, it seemed anti-climactic since it was somehow already available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.com.  I began to feel like a pregnant woman who was past due, but no one was willing to induce labor.  I was filled with fear and anxiety about whether the book (my baby) would be well received, whether I was up to carrying off the marketing tasks required without significant help and guidance.  In other words, would the baby be birthed safely ,and after birth, would I be able to carry off its proper care and feeding?  I had hopes and dreams for this child of mine, conceived in the mind of God and seemingly written with His help.  I longed to see this child inspire people  to find God or a Higher Power, reestablish broken relationships with Him or find deeper intimacy with Him.  But I long ago learned how dangerous it is for me to outline for God or get overly attached to my plan.

It was important for me to understand all that was going on with me if I were to find my way out of the darkness into the light.  Understanding came first, followed by acceptance and willingness to let go.  But I could not have truly surrendered without going through this process.  And now, having let go and let God, I am free, full of joy and immensely grateful.

I hope and pray that when you feel burdened, you don’[t blame yourself, feel like you are doing something wrong–not praying enough or being faithful enough, not following your spiritual path the right way.  Emotions are just an invitation to look within and learn, with the help of your Higher Power and friends.  They provide an opportunity to grow and mature and bear much fruit.  So pray for the courage to face the feelings and learn from them.  And you will emerge with an attitude of gratitude that chases all the pain away.

Are your afraid of your emotions?  Do you feel guilty, like you’re failing in faith when you are angry, anxious or down? Please share your stories, comments or questions.

Peace,

Dr. Judith

Holding on to old hurt, anger, disappointment, resentment shuts off the sunlight of the Spirit and causes us to live in a prison between our ears.

My dear friend Ruthie was like a second or surrogate mom to me, and she was also a spiritual guide.  One of her sayings was “Those whom the gods want to control, they make angry.”  What?  That seemed like a really confusing and twisted outlook.  What gods?  Why does anger give them control?

What I have come to realize is that anyone or anything that I hold on to, won’t let go of, can’t stop thinking about, feeling about or dreaming about becomes my god.  It dictates what I think, how I feel and how I act, and that should be God’s job.  When He is the center of my life, I can be at peace even in the midst of hurt, disappointment and anger.

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This month I am trying to prepare myself for the release of my book next month.  I’m immersed in learning to do “viral marketing” which my publisher says is THE THING to do.  The whole thing is scary and overwhelming and I have an old idea that says “but I don’t know how, I need someone to show me, what if I screw it up?”  Instead of trusting God and diving in, I found book to read on the subject.  Can you imagine reading “Facebook Marketing” or “Twitter Power?”  It’s a massive avoidance campaign on my part!  I think it has to do with my fear that the book will succeed or that it will fail, both of which mean that I succeed or fail.

So I’m taking a new approach to preparation.  While trying these new things, I am focusing instead on centering prayer (becoming disposed to God in the quiet of my heart) as well as a prayer of gratitude.  He helped me to write the book and find a publisher.  This could NEVER have happened without Him, and this in and of itself is enough!

Are you holding on to any old hurt, anger, disappointment?  Is it keeping you in a self-constructed prison?  Turn your thoughts to God and break free.

Are you avoiding trying something new because you are afraid?  Turn to Him in prayer.

Send your thoughts, comments and questions.