Getting God’s Help

I Have No Idea What I’m Doing

September 13th, 2009 |

I often have the thought that I have no idea what I’m doing. Not only that but I’m convinced that I can’t figure out how to do whatever it is that I want to do on my own. And if I attempt to do it, I will become so impossibly confused and frustrated that I will have to give up or go crazy. This applies to an incredibly wide range of things I need to get done.

Let’s see. There’s the drawer in my kitchen which has had a broken track for the past six months. I have to hold it up to get to the drawer below. There’s the new hammock which remains unused because it needs a bit of chain to lower it so that I can get into it more easily. There are the three beautiful plaques, one that says “Peace”, another “Hope” and a third that says “Joy,” which are waiting to be hung because I’m afraid that I won’t get the height or spacing right. Since there’s no one to do these things for me, since it seems insane to call a for handyman to do such trivial things , since I’m too proud to ask a friend for help and I’m convinced that if I try to do any of these things myself, I will definitely screw up, the tasks remain undone.

Then there’s the category of projects I’m afraid to try which involve using the internet and social media for marketing and publicity of my book. Finding and asking other blog writers to link their blogs to mine, especially this since brings the possibility of rejection, transferring pictures from my Blackberry to my computer so that I can post them on my web site, planning a short marketing presentation about my book for U-Tube, figuring out how to edit clips already filmed on my Flip Video so I can upload them onto U-Tube, or learning where to start doing internet advertising or how to analyze information about who’s visited my web site.

In each of these cases, I want to hire someone to do the job for me or get someone I know to show me how. Or read a book–you wouldn’t believe how often I buy books from the Idiots or Dummies series and still don’t get it.

This is behavior that my patients, and others, refer to as reflective of low self-esteem. A lack of confidence. A feeling of incompetence. When parents get frustrated with teaching their little boy to do something or when they become overly concerned about their sweet girl’s feelings, not wanting her to struggle with trying to master a skill, they might take over and complete the task for the child. This leaves her with the feeling and belief that she can’t accomplish or learn the thing on her own. Or when a parent hasn’t got the time or inclination to teach the child new skills, the little boy is left to figure it out on his own, often believing that he can’t get it right, believing it’s right even when it’s wrong or fearful of admitting he doesn’t know how and not willing to ask for help.

In my case, my mother was busy doing things she enjoyed. She hired others to do her work, whether it was housekeeping, cooking, child rearing, fixing things that were broken or creating things she wanted like the rock garden in the back yard or the new laundry room off the kitchen. This is what I learned to do–pay for others to do it for me. I took no responsibility for doing things myself and did only those things which came easily.

It took me many years and some major failures, disappointments and wrong paths to begin to figure out how to live as a responsible adult. Fortunately, I eventually grew up and learned to be industrious, to have a nice environment, to work for things I wanted. Before I was able to blossom and mature, I had to acquire a radical willingness to learn from loving, spiritual friends the central importance of knowing God and trusting Him to help me.

When I began this process, things which have become routine in my life were overwhelming. What behavior is appropriate in any given situation? Which pair of pants fit and look nice on me? Is that person teasing me because he is being friendly or affectionate or is he being mean? How do I write that report? How do I approach that person who might refer patients to me? What is my taste or style for decorating my living room? When I’m interviewing to hire a new secretary, how do I figure out who is the right one to choose? What is my book going to be about? If I’m overwhelmed by fear, what do I do to overcome it or to get the courage to take action in spite of it?

With the help of God and devoted friends who had the patience to teach me, I learned to suit up and show up for work, take directions from my boss and be a responsible, reliable and trustworthy employee. Through prayer, I was led to a class with the right teacher to get me started on my book and overcome my terror of an empty piece of paper. Since then, I’ve come to trust that when I pray first, the right words will come.

I’ve learned that turning to God in prayer will help me find an answer each time I ask or will give me courage to act even when I don’t know the answer. Relying on God helps me to give myself permission to screw up and then look for a new course of action.

Here is the process I use to learn or try new things which I’m convinced will be too difficult for me:

(1) Ask God for help, direction or inspiration;

(2) Trust that He will give it because He is a good parent and wants me to learn and grow;

(3) Allow myself to make mistakes and to strive for progress, not perfection;

(4) Keep on trying until I get it; and

(5) Ask others for help if I really get stuck but be willing to try again on my own, asking again for God’s assistance.

Great instructions, aren’t they? But I have to admit that every single task I listed above is still undone, and I haven’t yet put my own tried and true method to work on my current list of scary projects.

God is a good parent, and He knows when to let us struggle until we learn and when to step in and help us along. If I try hard and often to learn something new, I’ll not only feel good about myself for trying, but I might actually succeed. Then I can congratulate myself and my father God for a job well done.

So I’m off to put up the three plaques, “Peace”, “Hope” and “Joy”. When I’m done, I’ll let you know.

Why don’t you put this theory to the test as well, and then send your comments on how it worked.